Every realationship with God is personal. No two people have the same relationship with the Father, each is based on the individual. Mine is different than yours. I wouldn't want your relationsip, I wouldn't want Billy Graham's relationship, I want my own. My relationship with God is growing. It's forever changing. It's the ONE thing in this world that is mine and mine alone.
Years ago, when I first came to know Him, I was a baby in Christ. I knew nothing, only that I needed Him. Thank God that I knew that much. I'm as stubborn as they come, but I knew that my way wasn't working and that I needed more than I'd been able to give myself to continue to live. I surrendered, which, honestly, was a relief. I'd been trying every road possible and each had led me to a more destructive life than I'd had the day before. When I gave my all, I got His all. What a great deal that was!
I'm a big (huge) fan of Mark Driscoll, T.D. Jakes and my own pastor, Ed Young, Jr. I learn so much from these men. However, I don't want their relationships with God, I want my own. I grow through these men, but I'm not these men. I'm Kathi, loving God and enjoying my journey with Him every step of the way. What I know today is more than I knew yesterday, but not as much as I'll know and understand tomorrow.
Growth is a painful process. The term 'growing pains' is a very real and truthful one. I go through the 'growing pains' of growing and maturing in Christ every single day. I will until the day I leave this life. Although I give thanks for His many blessings, I also get angry and ask why, and sometimes my heart breaks from lack of understanding and I weep, literally, weep for others and sometimes myself, too. Still, I'm a quick study and I learn from experience...mine and others. I'm only human, and I have all the emotions and weaknesses that entails. If there is anyone in all the universe that understands me, it's my Father. My Creator. My God. Even though he sees my actions, my failures (and my occasional accomplishment) and all my downfalls, He also sees my heart. He hears my prayers, He feels my tears, and He feels my pain. He is a Father. He feels my joy and my pain. Being my Creator, He also knows my heart. I'm not Billy Graham, but He loves me just as much and my walk is just as important to Him. He looks as forward to my coming home as He does all His children. He doesn't want me to be anyone but myself. As I grow, I'll stumble and reach for His hand, just as my children once reached for mine. As I grow, become more steady on my feet, He'll smile at my accomplishments just as I smile at my own kids'. When I fall short of a goal, when I ache from trying, when I need time to heal, He'll understand and He'll be there to pat my back, stroke my head and administer my spiritual first aid, just as any parent would do. All of this builds my relationship with my Father, just as all the years with my boys have developed our relationship. Each one different. Each one unique. Each one special.
