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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

He Calls Me His

We were singing a song in church this past Sunday, 'He Calls Me Friend'. I hear it on the radio all the time, and it's a beautiful song, yet, and I don't know why, I can't sing the right words to it. I feel...disrespectful. It may be scriptural, I don't know, I've never looked it up. It goes, "I am a friend of God, (repeat 3 times), He calls me friend". But every time we sing it at church, each time I hear it on the radio, I sing it "I am a child of God ,(3 times) He calls me His"...and every time it gives me chills. It never ceases to amaze me that it is completely and without a doubt, true. I, little ole' me, silly, trippin over my feet as well as my tongue at times, me. He, the Creator of all things, Love Itself, calls me His child. He claims me, He loves me, He calls me His!
I'm reminded of my kid's friends that I've known since my kids were in kindergarten. Some of these kids I've known for over 10 years now. I've seen them go through many, many things. Some things I've cried in pride over, some things I've cried in heartache from. One of Charlie's friends from childhood was in a knife fight about 3 years ago and a few years later he attacked a police officer. I've watched this child grow up, I know where he's came from and understand what he's had to live through. Though Charlie and he are still friends, they're not close in the sense that they hang together anymore. Every time I see this young man he gives me a hard hug and I tell him I love him. Charlie and I do still love this young man, we always will. It's a reminder of how though we're still in this world, we are not of it. I can not turn my back on this young man because I still see that sweet little boy's smile light his face, I still see the innocence in his eyes that I once knew a long time ago. As much as I love this young man, and I'd consider him mine if someone were to come against him and it were within my power to save him...he isn't mine. I know for a fact that the pain I felt when I heard he'd been stabbed wouldn't have compared to what I'd have felt if I'd been told Charlie had been stabbed. The disappointment that broke my heart when I heard he'd attacked a police officer would have paled in comparison to what I'd felt if it'd been one of my own children involved.

How much more the Father feels for us because He does calls us HIS. We ARE His children. He sees and suffers what we face, what we struggle through, as well as rejoices our triumphs, what we over come and what we make Him proud of because we are His.

Friend? Please...I'm His child. He calls me His.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Trust Issues

I have many things going on in my life right now. My husband left us 5 months ago. This is our first Christmas without him and his family. We went from having a large extended family to it being the three of us, my two boys and myself. I haven't found a full time job yet and our finances, checking account is filled with more faith than money. And, of course, there's Christmas and my children...a combination that along with my checking account could add up to a lot of stress and anxiety.
Last night I took a short walk outside. I was feeling stressed. Sometimes you may be under attack without any signs of being physically wounded, but being spiritually wounded is harder to bare. As I walked, and I considered my attacks, I looked towards the heavens and felt peace begin to over take me. How small I am. Still, though small, I still exist, and as I took my eyes from the heavens back to my world, words rang through me loud and clear...TRUST ME. Trust Him. I trust Him with my death, how in the world could I not trust Him with my life?? I do.
God has been since the beginning of time. He created all that is. Could my life be too much for Him? No. My life fits into the grand scheme of all His plans. Everything I go through is for a purpose. The way I handle it is up to me, the battle, however, is His. My life opens a door for many, just as many before me created a way for me. My life will be an example. It is up to me whether it will be a good or a bad one.
I can think of many ways I have used my life as an example of what not to do for my children...the drugs, the alcohol I did years ago...I'm able to tell my children what I allowed those things to rob me of; friends, education, even family. Now, I want to show by example what God, and my faith in Him, can achieve, when I allow it. TRUST HIM. By example, it's the best thing in all my life that I can teach my children. TRUST HIM.

We are not born with trust issues, we learn them. Help me, Lord, to trust You with all that I am, with all that I have, and with all that I will ever be. I give to You my heart, my children, my finances, and my trust. You, alone, do I trust. I love You, Father.
In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.