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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Unlocking Doors

There is a show on t.v. called 'My Own Worst Enemy'. Hear it's not doing so well, but that's beside the point. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Sometimes we are the one who stands in our way the most, the person who keeps our blessing from coming to us. Sometimes we surround ourselves with an invisible shield made out of fear or anger while we curl up in a fetal position with the blankets pulled over our head and our door locked and then we wonder why God isn't blessing us, why isn't He getting us out of our trials, why He isn't sending someone to us that can help us.

Being a parent, I relate to the way I am God's child through the relationship I have with my own kids. Many times over the years when one of my boys have gotten angry or their feelings hurt, they'd withdraw physically, emotionally and mentally. As a parent I want to put my arms around them and hold them till whatever it is has passed, but as a child they want to be left alone, to live in that anger or hurt for a bit. Sometimes when they were older I'd try to go into their room to console them and find the door locked and they'd ask me to just let them have some time to themselves. This is the same thing we do to God. God always wants to console us, to help us get through whatever is hurting us and He can help in a way that every parent wishes they could, but we lock Him out. We've locked our spiritual door and we're reveling in our hurt and our anger. Sooner or later we exhaust ourselves and we finally open that door to Him and then...we wonder why we waited so long when He'd been standing there knocking all that time.

Lord, I'm opening my door to you. Come in, You are welcome into my heart, my Yourself with all things personal. I give all things that concern my family and myself to You, I trust You to take care of them, Your shoulders are so much broader than mine, and being a parent, I understand the desire to comfort and care for me. I am so blessed that You love me, that you desire for my needs to be met and for my heart to be joyful. Anything else brings dishonor to You. I pray that Your Holy Spirit would convict me when I'm curled up in my fetal position with my door locked and refusing Your help...Your love...Your joy. I know that is not the life You desire for me.
Bless You Lord, with all that is within me, bless Your holy name.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Lessons of Trust

I think I got out of the habit of writing here when I started my praise journal at home. Sad. I'm struggling through things that I'm sure I'll look back at a later date and see how God carried me the entire way, but right now, I feel painfully alone. I'm thankful that I'd started this blog because reading some of my own words has reminded me of what God has already gotten me through.

I've honestly had God do amazing things in my life. Looking back I can't believe all the doors He opened, the doors He thankfully closed, the things He has forgiven and the blessings He has given me. Amazing. And yet, when the walls are crumbling down around us, it's hard to remember that the outcome isn't up to us. Well, it is up to us if we carry the burden; however it's His when we give it to Him.

Father, I give this burden to You. I give it to You and I trust You with it. Forgive me when I've tried to carry my burdens on my own when Christ suffered and died to carry them for me. I love You, I trust You and I praise You for all You've done and for what You are yet to do.
Forgive me for my lack of faith, for my 'now' vision and cheating You out of blessing me.
I love You. In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.