My Photo
Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Monday, March 27, 2006

If I could do things differently...

"If I could do things differently...", it's a common saying. However, I wonder if we could change something, would we? Would I? I think of what I consider to be my biggest mistakes in my life. One would be drugs. But if I'd not done the drugs, and suffered many of the consequences from them, I'd not had been able to witness in the jail ministry. I'd not know first hand what they'd gone through, and been able to tell them without any doubt, that there is hope, that there is a Light at the end of their tunnel. I'd not be the witness that I am.
Another would be sex. All the partners that I'd had, and the health consequences I paid resulted in being unable to have children for over 15 years. But, had I not suffered that, had every specialist not finally given up telling us it was impossible, then the miracle of our getting pregnant and giving birth (not only once, but twice) would not be the witness that it is. Specialist use my case as an example that one should never give up, that miracles do happen. I'm able to witness to those who are low and down trodden, having years of trouble conceiving...Receiving one bad report after another.
All of my trials and conflicts that I have over come are a witness that God is faithful. Trials and conflicts do not define who we are, but how we handle them defines our character. They are a tool used to chisel this piece of clay into a vessel used for His glory.
So, when I'm asked what I would do differently, though in hindsight I may think of ways that would have made it easier for me, I have to say I'd do nothing differently. I am who God created me to be. I have lived out His plan for my life that was destined from the beginning of time. I am thankful for the trials and the conflicts. I am thankful that He has been, and will always be, faithful. And, I'm actually thankful for what I see being chiseled from this temporary earthly piece of clay.

I first ask for forgiveness for ever questioning Your plan for my life. There have been times when I wondered what I did to deserve misfortunes. I see now, sweet Father, that You were forming me, creating me to be the person that I was created to be from the beginning. That this person I am has been created for a purpose, and without the knowledge that I have obtained from living this life I have lived, I'd not be able to speak of the things I've needed to with those who needed to hear it.
You, the Creator of all things, know the value of all lessons. I submit myself to Your will, to Your wisdom, and to Your loving ways. To You alone, do I give my complete being Father, that Your will be done, and not my own.
For all things, I give You thanks and praise. To Your glory, Father, may my life be of service.
In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.